We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i love accidental penises.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
