Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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