Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
