somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
