I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
