I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
