i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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