the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
