You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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