Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
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Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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