I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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