I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
