Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
