Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
