hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
