She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
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We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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