Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's never too late to be topless.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
