that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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