if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Found your dick twin last night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
