brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
