My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
