You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
