Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize