I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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