Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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