I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
