Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
