I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
