This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
