so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize