I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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