Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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