I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
