it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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