Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
