No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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