I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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