you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
