dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
