Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
