He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
