Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.

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(509): View more from Washington

I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.

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(815): View more from Illinois

so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club

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(952): View more from Minnesota

You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...

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(347): View more from New York

Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind

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(305): View more from Florida

You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!

(305): View more from Florida

Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch

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