I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
