I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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