Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
