We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize