I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
