I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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