you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize