I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
