Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
