I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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