He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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