I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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