Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
