Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
