Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
