Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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