we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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