Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm getting married
To pizza
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
