whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
