worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
