I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
