mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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