Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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