You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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